The Trust Fall

God has truly blessed me with a wonderful roommate. Our friendship can be summarized as being super silly, to downright sobbing (usually I am the one sobbing), and everything in-between. A lot of the in-between has to do with the both of us talking about being single and our struggles and desires within that.

A week ago I made the statement in our conversation about singleness that surprised me. I said, “I might not necessarily want the whole package of a marriage at this current moment but I want to be chosen.” After I said that I realized that I had just verbalized something that has been deep within my heart. As a single woman, especially a single Christian, it can often feel like you are in this holding cell waiting for your name to be called so that you can join everyone else who got matched up. It truly can feel like you are just waiting to be chosen both by God and your one day spouse. I never realized the weight of wanting to be picked out until last week. 

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You see I have always wanted to be a wife and a mother. I could have sworn to you that by age 23 I would have at least been a wife. 23 came and went and I looked forward to 25. Then 25 came and went and then I looked to 28 being the last age I would want to be married at.

Well…here I am sitting on my laptop less then two weeks away from being 30 and I am as single and childless as you can get. If I didn’t trust God so much I could possibly be panicking at this moment. It is a true miracle from God that I am no where near a panic but I am working through what my main desire to be married is.

Why do I want to be married? What are my hopes in marriage? What are the lies I have tied to marriage?

I said out loud that I want to be chosen. That one statement was expressing that I want a man to look at me, see me, hear me, pick me out to love and honor over all the other woman in the world. What that says to my heart is that I am beautiful, I am worthy, I am loved, I am important and valued. So if we break this down, I have been waiting 30 years for a wonderfully broken man to say I want to love and honor you and then all of the sudden I will feel like a beautiful woman worthy of love.

What the heck kind of lie have I been believing? Why does this man signify my desires being met? I know in my head that he will not meet these needs but during the waiting game I have forgotten the truth. 

What is the truth? The truth is that there is beauty in each one of us that goes deeper then the outward appearance. That the way we look, each and everyone of us, reveals the beauty of God. The truth is that we are chosen, before the world began, to be a daughter or son of God. That He knew we would choose Him before He created us and couldn’t wait until the moment we choose that relationship with Him.

The truth is that we are so worthy, that we are so valued, that we are so honored because the extreme actions of love done by Jesus. The truth is that no one person in your life will sustain you. However, God is waiting, patiently, to be relied on and looked at to meet those needs. The truth is that you can dance around your house to cheesy love songs feeling beautiful and important every day or your life no matter your martial situation. The truth is you are not less then, that God did not place you in the waiting cell. He is calling you out to enjoy your life with Him. 

“For the Lord God is a sun and a safe-covering. The Lord gives favor and honor. He holds back nothing good from those who walk in the way that is right.” Psalm 84:11

           I wanted to put this seemingly random scripture in the middle of the post to get your attention because I said that God wants you to enjoy your life with Him but I would venture to say we often do not trust God. He hasn’t come through like you thought He was going to but our understanding of what He was suppose to do and the reality of what real goodness looks like are often very different (trust the 30 year old single girl)!

This psalm says that God is our light (sun) that He guides our way and lights the path. That He is our covering and shield during the trails that come with life. He gives favor (feel or show approval or preference for) and honor (regard with great respect) and that He holds nothing good from those who walk knowing that Jesus is the Son of God who died and rose again. Do you hear that? He holds nothing good back. 

OUR GOD HOLDS NOTHING GOOD BACK !!!

If you are single He is holding nothing good back. If you are married He is holding nothing good back. He is good and He is kind.

We are not in lack, He is not withholding from us but giving us everything we need and more. I say out the deepest parts of my heart that the thing I need more then a husband, a house, children, cars, fame, money and even the air in my lungs is Jesus. He does not withhold Himself from us.

Wherever you are at right now I want to ask you to close your eyes and say, maybe even out loud, that “God does not withhold good from me.” He is not withholding from you no matter what your age, your heart, your head, your emotions or your bank account is saying to you. We are not in lack, we are not in a cell, we are loved, we are chosen, we are the most beautiful creations on earth, we are worth giving good things to.

We know a God who is worthy of our trust. Trust Him a little bit more today for He trusts you!